Sometimes I feel broken, you know that feeling where because your life doesn’t quite look like the picturesque dream the world says it should be so therefore you must not be enough feeling; yeah, that feeling. That picture is not my life and I feel like my brokenness makes me less than whole. I worry that we failed and we are too broken to even be acknowledged, to even be taken seriously, to truly make a difference. The struggle with imperfection and failing is a constant battle.
But then sometimes God whispers a sweet nudge reminding me that just because my reality is not what the world says is enough, that reality is not His reality and it does not make me less than. Sometimes God’s plans look very different from we want or expect. His plans may not be what the world says is enough, but they are so very good and when we step into His plans we see how He sees us and the wholeness He provides!
I woke up to the sound of the text dinging my phone, “Who in the world could be texting me as the sun comes up?” I thought to myself. I ignored the ding for a time, but ultimately my curiosity got the best of me and I rolled over. It was someone who holds my heart in a special way that I can’t find the right words to describe how amazing she is; she had been talking with God and in the middle of her quiet time He placed me on her heart. The simple fact that on this particular day God tugged at her to reach out showed me how deeply He cares for the small things, how deeply he cares for each of us.
See, I was incredibly nervous, the kind of nervous where your heart seems to jump out of your chest while your lungs hold a breath in the deepest part and your body seems to bounce around uncontrollably while your brain scrambles in hopes of not blowing the entire thing! Yeah, that is exactly where I was, crawling out of my skin scared. Fear had taken over and I desperately pleaded that I would not disappoint or fail my friend that entrusted October 6th in my hands. In the grand scheme of things this day was small but I felt the weight of coaching well heavy on my shoulders. For weeks I had been bending God’s ear about doing this day well; I did not want to fail. This day felt as though I would find my coaching voice or I was never going to amount to anything as a coach. It felt as though there was no in between.
Her text demanded a trust that I tell her what was going on and I couldn’t help but oblige. She knows me well and her heart for God only draws me into a deep trust where I can’t tell her no. I told her how I was fearful of disappointing my friend along with the failure that could occur on the field. She gently poured words of wisdom and advice into me all while pointing me back to Jesus.
The funniest thing happened as we talked, I began to visualize Jesus standing with me on the sidelines that my feet would soon fill. He had on our team shirt along with His face painted to support me. His face held a pure smile that His eyes could barely contain and He had a bright yellow foam finger with my name printed in black written LARGE across it all while His fist pumped through the air, yelling every exciting encouraging word His mouth could contain as He watched me coach from the sidelines. A crazy picture, I know, but for the first time I saw Jesus as my cheerleader! A huge fan that when His eyes looked at me He saw someone who He absolutely adores. This idea, where the most important man who has EVER walked on this earth, looks at me and all He sees is, someone He truly loves and adores overwhelmed my heart in such a way that I could not hold it in, my eyes filled with blue waves that overflowed running quickly down my cheeks. Her text, a moment my heart truly needed, opened a door in my heart where for a moment I could see myself through Jesus’ eyes.
It’s hard for me to think I deserve that type of adoration, that type of unconditional insane crazy love. I typically only see my failings, my flaws, my shortcomings, but for a moment that morning I saw something a little bit different. I saw a moment where Jesus sees me for who I am in Him and ultimately for who He is making me to be. I was filled with a deep confidence that no matter if I failed or found my wings I had the best fan and cheerleader standing beside me longing to simply cheer me on and for me to keep my eyes focused on Him! He was the one I was coaching for and His approval was the only one I wanted or needed.
He stands with each of us, t-shirt on along with a bright foam finger with our name on it, cheering for us! He is your ABSOLUTE BIGGEST cheerleader and fan! When He looks at you all He sees is this beautiful soul that is made in His image and He LOVES you! His eyes soften at the simple mention of your name and His heart jumps for joy as He thinks about your sweet face. He can’t help but smile when you focus on Him. It’s hard to think that someone could love you with a grace that is so deep and true, but He does and He is always in your corner.
I pray you see yourself through His eyes, through His love for you, through the adoration His heart holds for you. The view is absolutely incredible and if we find ourselves on that mountain top and trust Him for our true identity we might just find Him in a new profound way that will ultimately lead us deeper in relationship with Him!!!!
Imagine seeing yourself through His eyes and how that will change everything you do and say. Imagine how you will approach things with a new-found unbridled confidence that will give you the courage to dream His dreams and chase His heart! Imagine only living for Him! I pray you see Him with His fist pumping through the air cheering you on today!